Be Ye Angry And Sin Not

Life is hard. It may, it will get harder.

Their is no sin in being angry. The sin lies in losing yourself.

Beware of your actions. And exhibit love always.

I know how hard it is. Nothing worthwhile is easy though

Peace, Love, Blessings

Life is Stress

April 27, 2014

Everybody but me is allowed to speak their mind. If you want to curse me the hell off do it, and I can't open my mouth to defend myself because it is a crime. And I am suppose to act like people matter? Like their opinions of my life hold weight? Like I want to stay here? Like I love being bombarded by everything.

Everybody is allowed to say whatever, but when I speak I am being rude. The 10 year old can speak his mind say what he wants, and my 24 year ass is suppose shut the hell up and take the blame for everything that goes wrong in their damn life.

He fails in school. It's because of my late classes. So didn't I have the same predicament? And didn't I pass my classes? He has all the hours after school and he all he does is play games on whatever device he can find. Every night almost nonstop I am thrown a rant about how my going to classes which only occur at night (the only option period) is putting everyone out. He is failing school. She's losing weight. And it's all because of my classes.

Yes, my classes do go until 9, and I do get down around 930 to 10 sometimes due to my trying save money or to get clarification on something done in class. But who the shit cares? Instead I have to get cursed out continually.

I make suggestions on what can be done. He can study and do homework between 3 and whenever. Who in the world would listen to an idiot? But when I sit to study on the weekend, and as I'm prepping to leave in the morning disturb me. Distract me from my own studies, and ignore me when I offer my help. Ignore me when I've deliberately paused my own work for you. Why? Of course, because the television is on or there is some fantastic ever-present game to play.

And of course, why not blame me for all the years of lateness. I take a ride to whatever destination, I stay home. I'm the one who is blamed for lateness. From since my birth late. And it is all my fault. While attending classes, and now I go to bed anything after midnight. I wake before or at the same time as you who goes to sleep anything from 8 to 11. And I am still the one who gets blamed. I am really supposed to care.

And back to the eating. Everybody ate the same amount yesterday. I skipped lunch and ate it as a late snack. And of course you know who got blamed for eating the most. Do you think it mattered that I didn't drink any of their fluids? Shit no it didn't. They treat me like an outcast and expect me to act as though everything is peachy.

I can't talk on the phone because it disturbs them even when I'm away from everyone. But of course they stand over my head having an all-night conversation. I can't play soothing sounds to put me to sleep since it's the only way I get my mind to calm down. But they can keep the radio on ridiculous talk-shows while talking back to it.

And I'm suppose to want to stay here. Give them and then some so that they can be sustain as they try their best to break my soul. I've been living it all my life so I guess it doesn't matter. I only need to endure it a little longer. Hopefully, shorter than life itself.

And did I forget how much of a liar I am...unless someone else backs me up I am a liar...pity I am usually the only witness to my own life, eh?

Peace.

It's all I want

Me? Am Here

Started working out Thursday, stopped yesterday? Oh well.

I'm hungry. Today was semi-productive.

Tomorrow's aim...better today.

I think I'm ready for a template change on LKPP

I am thoroughly sleepy.

I have done some righting lately...writing. It's not good, but the pen touched the page and energy was exerted in my upper and lower parts.

I hope this update suffices till I find the energy to formulate a better post.

I am aching...and hungry.

*YAWN*

Thanks for your blessings


Peace, Love, and Blessings

Last Week

I cried last week, wrote two poems last week, lost my temper last week, collected my prize from a contest I almost didn't enter last week.

But...the above was written last week...I think

But the real issue is that I've been breaking emotionally for quite awhile without realizing it until now. In the last few years I've begun crying wnen emotionally overwhelmed or when thinking about deeply saddening scenarios. Before that I did not cry unless hurt physically. However, it has gotten even worst, and I have been crying spontaneously without knowing the reason....Tears flow down my cheeks, I even bawl and I cannot bring anything to mind which makes a connection emotionally. I run through a list of possibilities and none of them click.

It happened last week, earlier this week, and today. On the first occasion, I was walking down a hall. On the second, my words had been misconstrued. But as I cried and thought of the situation, that did not make an emotional connect either. I was saddened by the ordeal, but it wasn't the reason for my tears. On the third, today, I was asked if I was feeling emotional, and almost immediately after responding my eyes welled with tears. Thankfully, I was able to remove myself from my acquaintances before the tears fell.

What can I do about it? Find the cause? Deal with it? How? By taking time out to do that? I hardly have time for my regular activities (says the procrastinator). I'll do something, while I move on.

God Bless
Shaziane