So Tired But I'm Moving

You're there and yet you aren't and I cannot handle the inconsistency.

You tempt me and then push me in the direction of some unknown as though I should be aware of something that's not really there and all I'm really ever asking for is you.

But you can't see...you refuse to see what you've already seen.

I'm tired of loving you...tired of loving...I'm tired

I'm tired of feeling tired, tired of feeling helpless, worthless, as though I might lose, as though I am losing, tired of fearing, feeling afraid of my failure, of failing again because I feel that if I do. I am tired of feeling tired despite all of my resting and tired of waking in the middle of the night and not being able to get back to sleep.

I feel so empty, emotional, immature, hurt, and a little stupid. I could act smarter.

I should write but truthfully I don't feel like it. I considered changing for you but I go through enough changes without changing for the pleasure of others...as if you would notice. It's ridiculous how vulnerable I feel when it comes to males that I like. It's even ridiculous how I'm so unsure about if what I'm feeling is real.

I'll write. I need to. It's not only my sanity. But I've also got a competition coming up. So I will.

I'll write because I intend to better 2010 with 2011. To put it simply I have to win every contest I entered in 2010 especially those I didn't win. Though I won a section of the Wadadli Pen Prize Competition, I have to win it overall this year.

So here I come first competition of the year.


Soon to come is this year's resolution. Last year's expires in March.


Peace & Love

Shaziane