Change happens, happen with it or happen back

He kinda made me change my mind. I hate it. I'd like what I can't have. I hate it. It hurts. And...I hate that too. The feminine dependence has return and it's a trait that you know by now...that I hate.

Kiss me like you need to. Touch me like your begging to hear me. Speak to me like it's your last wish.

I sing. I dance. I shake a little ass.

I really thought I was off this train for good. Then I decided to pray for what's best...and the pain returned. And I am here feeling feelings which seem so pointless, which seem as though they have no meaning. I've accepted the pain. Really I have: but do I have to be subject to feeling like subordinate to someone who can't sense my existence? Then again I should be clear on this. So I'm retracting that question, because I am not and do not feel subordinate to anyone. What I do however feel is the need to be in constant contact: verbal, physical, to know of the well being of the body and psyche. I feel responsible for and yet dependent on someone which I should only classify as a simple idea which exists only within the bounds of my mind and maybe my heart if this entire thing isn't a mind trick played on me by that which I've fed myself over the years mingled with a bit of truth.

But as has been stated and restated over the last couple of days: we use our pains to create magnificence which has the power to lead others to freedom. It feels good to once again make such quotes, phrases what have you. And with all of this built-up, unsettled, dangerous debris flying...it feels good to be back.

I hadn't thought of writing this before but it might be god to note for later use. I need to figure out a way to deal with people who are using and abusing me without isolating myself in a manner that stifles...me.

Did I forget to post the review for Little Bee until seconds ago, just before publishing this? Yes, yes I did. Accept my humble apology. It has yet to be typed and I have been busy emotionally and otherwise. Excuses, excuses they seem to be reigning. (Pun intended.) It'll be posted tomorrow. ;-)

Peace & Love

Blessings

Sincerely,
Shaziane