Stupid

I feel so stupid on a regular basis. Stupid enough to pity myself to tears. I don't understand how I can fool myself so often on the same subject and continue without being none the wiser while doing it only to have an awakening like this to go and do the same thing over again in several days. I don't know why I pretend to be so special in another person's world when I really know I'm not. It takes a specific type of fool to believe in something he knows to be false.

I'm suppose to be believing in God but at the moment I just feel rather low and idiotic. I've got a number of things I should be doing so I'll be trying to focus on them while not messing them terribly. Where's the pause button so I can sit and work for awhile without the looming doom? I'll come back...but I just don't feel it at the moment or for the last few days.

:(