Stiffling

December 23, 2013

Everyday I wake, and the house is still. I stay in bed, and the noise begins, loud, louder, unnecessarily. For an hour I lay trying to get back to sleep but the noise...unmoving and perfectly in my ear.

Finally, I can no longer take it. I must get up. To the bathroom for relief, but as soon as I sit there is someone at the door, someone who woke before but refused to be silent, refused to move. Now, as I make my way to the most quiet I can find, there follows behind me with the noisemakers. No matter where I go the end up, with their damn noise.

At 23 soon to be 24, I have no peace. Silence is not a resident when eyes of the breathing beings are open. Throughout the day and night, I am searched for, given hateful glares, and words to my face, behind my back, spoken to me, about me.

Everyone else has peace yet I cannot. Nothing I do is worthwhile, correct, useful, and I being asked to pay for this torture.

When I worked for 400 weekly, I paid 100. I lost my job, get 200 weekly, still I must pay the same. Now, I am making a little more and I am being implored for more. Didn't they know that that 3 years of giving half of whatever I got plus whatever expenses they begged for could have helped me? And now I am expected to increase it? Give more, as I get cursed, hated more daily?

Please, I am tired, and no more feel the need to try to make others happy while they strive for my misery.

RE: Fail

A fellow classmate talked me into sending in the assignment. I did. I have no idea if I failed. However, I can now say that I did not give up....and that feels good. :)

May your hardships become stones in your platform. :)

Be blessed.

Happy Sabbath, and have a pleasant weekend.

Started

Workout Routine as of Tuesday
Tuesday & Wednesday 20
Thursday & Friday 30
Saturday BREAK
Sunday & Monday 40
Tuesday & Wednesday 50
Thursday 60
Friday BREAK (had a headache which worsened by the day...decided to rest and see result)

For Butt & Legs
Arabesque (working leg between 45 and 90 degrees)
Standing Leg Lifts
Squats

For Arms & Abdomen
Standing Crunches (usually double the rep number or until I feel it)
Shoulder Press with Fist (without dumbells)
Shoulder Press with Open Palms

I also began using Remember the Milk, and listening to SKYFM. I like them both...got more done this week in part due to the use of both

Fail.

So....I will be failing my GD Application. Maybe I should simply say I failed it since the dealine was yesterday......I have no way of sending or completing the remaining assignments, and I think I am about done caring...I am tired of pushing to do it when it is not my love or desire.

Three years of my life in a direction that I do not care for.

If I fail. I fail.

I have other matters to worry about...

A Benefactor of Freedom

Nelson Mandela, one of the note benefactors of freedom has found rest beyond the horizon.

His intelligience was inspiring....after reading bits of his speeches it is hard no to be
His courage
His vigilance were motivating, encourage....this soul to strive, strive in the dark midday, to continue striving long past midnight

And each of them continue to be, and will

A life well lived continues to live after the death of the body which once contained it.

May his impact live forever.

South Africa's Nelson Mandela dies http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-25249520

Humans....

How can you be so to BORROW an item of mine and give me your damaged item as if returning mine.

I can't believe I still trust people in the least. You ask me to help you, and you cant havd the decency to juxt return my thing? Seriously? And I am suppose to be less anti-social, more 'normal', because those people are the honest, loyal, trustworthy ones. The one who will return your belongings in under 10 minutes and replace it with damaged one with a bold face.

I am extremely displeased....sad.....I should stop trusting people. Definitely will not be lending my belongings out again.

Humans....