written some time ago....months maybe


I will never be anybody's favourite. While growing I waited for the truth about Perfect to be realized. It happened. She's no more the favourite, and I still am not. Someone else was available. So I stand as always, second-rate, and never good enough. I feel hated, dislike, a nuance, something to be disgusted at.

"When I am well being around you makes me sick. Why would I want you around me when I'm sick?"

I replay this a lot since it was said. When I hear 'I love you' from the same mouth, or get good treatment....there's always a favour to follow, our someone watching in those times...

Not being enough to be loved unconditionally is my fear. I realized it today.